


I Can't Lose You

by aquaartistcat



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Chloe Valentine - Freeform, Christine Canigula - Freeform, Gay, Jenna Rolan - Freeform, M/M, Michael Mell - Freeform, No SQUIP, Rich Goranski - Freeform, Trans Michael, boyf riends - Freeform, brooke lohst - Freeform, ill tag as i go along, jake Dillinger - Freeform, jeremy heere - Freeform, lgbtq+, pining?, transgender character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-03-30 23:38:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13962552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquaartistcat/pseuds/aquaartistcat
Summary: I had’t told anyone, except for my parents, that I was transgender up until junior year.I had to tell every teacher that the name “Michelle” on attendance was just misspelled, and that my real name was Michael. I had been doing this since pre-school, after a geeky kid named Jeremy called me “Michael”, and I realized that the reason that I wanted my hair short, and why I refused to wear dresses was because I didn’t want to be Michelle.I wanted to be Michael.It’d been 12 years, and somehow that geeky kid, who’s now my best friend, still didn’t know the truth. It’d had taken so much effort to get that far. There had been too many close calls to count. But it was all worth it. Jeremy was still my friend.I couldn’t lose him. I just couldn’t.





	1. Introduction

**Author's Note:**

> Wow! I am alive!
> 
> Here's a thing I started months ago that I will maybe update on occasionally. I'm not sure if I want to continue Middlebrough GSA, but I might. I'm not good with consistency or anything...
> 
> This is it's own thing, no relation to Middleborough GSA.

I had’t told anyone, except for my parents, that I was transgender up until junior year. I wouldn’t have told them if it wasn’t for the fact that they were the ones who had to change my records and ID. They don’t like the fact that I was trans, but they also don’t want my mental state to decline any more than it already had, so they obliged.

Before then, I had to tell every teacher that the name “Michelle” on attendance was just misspelled, and that my real name was Michael. I had been doing this since pre-school, after a geeky kid named Jeremy called me “Michael”, and I realized that the reason that I wanted my hair short, and why I refused to wear dresses was because I didn’t want to be Michelle. I wanted to be Michael.

It’d been 12 years, and somehow that geeky kid, who’s now my best friend, still didn’t know the truth. It’d had taken so much effort to get that far. Hiding binders, wearing baggy sweatshirts, and sneaking tampons and pads into the boys bathroom. There had been too many close calls to count. Binders breaking, lying about why there was no way that I could make it to that pool party at Chloe’s place, and almost bleeding through pairs of pants. But it’s all worth it. Jeremy was still my friend. I couldn’t lose him. I just couldn’t.


	2. Greenbeans and Comebacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exposition!
> 
> This is essentially pre-canon stuff. No SQUIP, though.
> 
> TW: homobia, homophobic slurs
> 
> Sorry for not posting for a bit. I'm an on-again off-again writer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tis the boys, the good good boys
> 
> Suggest what I should do because I have like one plot point and thats it.

“So, what about you?” He asked, poking at the green beans that sat on his white styrofoam plate.

I looked up from the window I was staring out of. “Huh?”

“What’d you do over winter break? I mean, last week. When you went to New York with your family, right?” Jeremy answered.

I recalled my memories from the previous week. “Nothing much.” I sighed. “It was cool, I guess. We went to see some art shit. The Museum of Modern Art, I'm pretty sure. Starry Night is freaking huge in real life.”

Jeremy nodded in response. “I like Van Gogh. Did you eat any good food while you were in the city?”

I groaned, remembering all the street food I ate, and the stomachache that followed. “Too much food.”

“Rare words from one Michael Mell.”

“I swear to god, I gained at least five pounds in two days.” I whined.

“You aren’t overweight. You’re fine, Mike.” Jeremy said, looking at me with a caring expression.

My cheeks reddened a bit. “I was joking.” I explained, laughing a bit.

“O-Okay.” Jeremy stuttered out, blushing with embarrassment. No matter what it was with me, he took it seriously. It was annoying at times, but nice to know that he cared so much.

“Are we on for Pac-Man after school?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation away from the awkwardness.

“Hell yeah. I’ve been practicing.” He replied, his eyes lighting up with determination.

“I’m so scared, I just might faint.” I proclaimed sarcastically.

“Oh shut up.”

I rolled my eyes at my friend’s antics, and continued eating my lunch. Today’s meal was mystery meat, which they call chicken, and green beans. I watched as other students talked to their massive friend groups, joking around, gossiping, and yelling occasionally. Jeremy was all I really needed, that I knew, but I secretly envied the kids with lots of friends. Those who didn’t need to worry about what others thought.

I noticed a short girl with shoulder-length black hair wave in my direction. It was Christine Canigula, also known as the girl that Jeremy was helplessly in love with. I turned to my friend, and saw him waving back. His dopey smile and heart eyes were enough to tell me what he was thinking about.

I snickered to myself. “Hey, lover boy, Christine finally noticed you?”

Jeremy snapped his gaze away from the resident thespian, and turned back to me. “Yep! We’re in drama together, remember? She’s so pretty… Wow…” He trailed off, unapologetically swooning over the girl.

Smiling at Jer’s obliviousness, I put my white headphones on. Disorder by Joy Division played as I hummed along, finishing up my meal.

The ear-piercing bell rang, blocking out my favorite part of the song. I waved goodbye to Jeremy as I strolled to my Period 5 class, Social Studies. I observed as the other kids walked to their next classes with their cliques. The popular kids, jocks and beauty queens, walked together in a tight group. Jake Dillinger and Chloe Valentine, the on-again off-again couple of the posse, were walking apart, glaring at one another. I rolled my eyes, knowing that they had probably just had a messy breakup. Typical.

I thought back to a time, early elementary school, when friend groups were nonexistent. You would go to every single birthday party of a kid in your class without needing to worry about your social status being ruined. It was different now, though. Nobody knew anyone outside of their clique, except for a few facts spread by gossip or nasty rumors. That had not worked to my advantage in high school, unfortunately.

I was nearing my classroom when I heard a voice from behind me. “Hey, fag,” A voice yelled. “Are you checking him out or something?” I turned around to see the one and only Rich Goranski gesturing to his best friend, Jake. I sighed, not feeling like dealing with the freckled teenager then.

“No, Rich I wasn't.” I groaned. The boy had been terrorizing me every day since Sophomore year, and it wasn't something I necessarily enjoyed.

Rich smirked. “Good, I wouldn't want your boyfriend to get jealous.” Some kids around us had begun to snicker at Rich's comments.

“Really? Are you sure that you're not the jealous one? You sure do spend a lot if time with Jake…” I trailed off, letting Rich's anger set in. I wasn't usually one to make fun of others, but this was a special occasion. He had brought Jeremy into this.

A few kids laughed at my comeback. Rich's face flushed red with embarrassment. Clearly, my words had hit a nerve. “F-fuck you, homo.” He sputtered out, awestruck that I had talked back to him. He rushed back to the safety of his clique, and I walked to my class victoriously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope ya like it!! Suggest stuff, maybe? Thanks for reading!
> 
> Wow I'm really out of practice for writing, Oof.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Drop a comment if you're feeling it. I appreciate constructive criticism!


End file.
